“Pssst. What did you get?”

“Oh my god, you’re so smart.”

“You didn’t study and only got one wrong? How?”

As soon as a teacher passes back any test, quiz, or assignment, a similar exchange inevitably follows. It has become so much the norm that I’m surprised if I don’t get at least five people asking me what I got on my math quiz during lunch.

Teachers try their best to prevent this behavior, discouraging us from talking about our grades with other students. About every week I get at least one lecture on how it’s not the grade that matters but what you learn.

Some teachers have even gone so far as to refrain from returning graded assignments until the bell rings in order to prevent these conversations.

Why then, do students feel this need to compare grades with their classmates? While it may be easier to point the finger at competition amongst peers, the underlying motive may actually be our need to judge and compare ourselves with others.

Knowing that your friend got a C on the test that you just aced might give you a false sense of confidence and superiority. On the other hand, if you found out your friend earned an A on the test you just failed, you would immediately pledge to work harder.

However, we fail to take into account a person’s aptitude at a certain subject and circumstantial events. Just because someone receives a higher grade on a single assessments is not a sure sign of their superior intelligence.

People can have a multitude of reasons for not doing so well on a test: having a bad day, family emergencies, or simply just being so overwhelmed with work that they didn’t have ample time to study. Judging any person’s intellectual ability on their grades alone is not only flawed, but also uncalled for.

Unfortunately, I have witnessed this happen and seen friendships break apart over the incessant comparison of grades. People become mad if their friends get significantly higher grades than them “without studying.” The same will happen if friends refuse to divulge their grades.

I personally just don’t see it. If your friends won’t tell you their grades, it’s perfectly fine. Knowing their grades doesn’t help you in any way; you cannot change your grade nor can you change theirs. Not talking to friends when they don’t divulge their grades is completely pointless, as they are not obligated to tell you their grades, nor you tell yours.

So take a step back, relax, and realign your priorities. Instead of squandering your time in an attempt to move up the academic ranks, appreciate your friends for who they are and treasure the time you get to spend with them.