“You have to realize, there’s a double standard in this society between men and women. Just because I’m allowed to do something, doesn’t mean you can get away with it just as easily,” my brother used to say to me.
Being seven years older than me at 22, my brother left me under the impression that I just had to ride along with his opinion. With time, however, I developed my own take on the double standard. I began to wonder why such a disengaging principle existed in the first place. Sure, it keeps men and women in check; there are just some things each gender should not do. But I understood the gist of it: there are different consequences for different situations between the sexes, and unless I was prepared to face the wave negativity, I needed to buckle down and accept it.
Amongst several of my older friends, many of whom I know through my older brothers, a quick description is all it takes to settle on a solid opinion of someone. I place the blame on people like them–people who are too quick to judge, for allowing this double standard to develop. After hearing them rant about how they’ll never be able to look at so-and-so the same after she hooked up with he-who-shall-not-be-named, I was disgusted when they threw that very same man compliments and congratulatory words. Why is it suddenly okay for guys to have several girls chasing after them, but when a girl involves herself with more than one guy, she’s bombarded with an endless stream of obscenities?
On another note, when men dress well and present their person in a sophisticated, cultured manner, there seems to be nothing but good things to say about them. Women fawn over a man who dresses well, and he leaves an excellent impression on those he acquaints himself with. For a woman, however, things are slightly different.
Countless times have I been sitting at a table with some friends when she walks in. You know, that one girl who’s always overdressed? Perfectly styled hair, a flowing dress–who knows how expensive that purse was. All for a casual get together. Don’t get me wrong, I respect people who take pride in their appearance, because having self-confidence is no easy feat. So why do the guys at the table around me accuse her of being self-centered?
This aggravates me more than anything because I can relate. One times too many has my brother said similar things about me to my face: “No guy wants the high-maintenance girl who’s obsessed with her appearance. Keep it simple.” Obviously, I disagree with him. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting dolled up before heading out of the house; it’s the perfect pick-me-up for a girl who’s slightly insecure. I think more girls obsess over their appearance simply because they like to feel good about themselves, not just to catch the eye of every man that passes by.
Then again, I know I can’t be dishing out scorn against men alone, as they certainly are not the only perpetrators of the double standard. Naturally, my brother didn’t bother to mention the double standards against men; I know this from personal experience – girls expect a lot out of guys. Most of us love to be showered with lavish gifts – from bouquets to jewelry, and to be wished “good morning” or be told we’re beautiful. Rarely have I seen women offering to pay the bill as readily as a man, or fretting about something as simple as asking someone to dance. The pressure is all on the guys.
Moreover, why are men seen as cowards when they don’t defend themselves in an argument against women, yet seen as enemies when they do? There isn’t a rule saying a man can’t stand up for himself, yet if he does, his reputation plummets.
As badly as I’d love to do away with double standards, I know that defying its bounds calls for opposing threats and harsh criticism. It plays a judicial role in society, setting apart the moral values of men and women. Maybe if my brother could refrain from using double standards as a tool against me as a reminder of everything that’s not okay for me to do, I could accept them.