The student news site of The Harker School.

Harker Aquila

The student news site of The Harker School.

Harker Aquila

The student news site of The Harker School.

Harker Aquila

Winged Post
Newsletter

Why forbearance needs to be forgotten

Life sometimes means doing something I do not want to do. Life is about responsibility, doing what I should realistically do. And when what I do doesn’t make me happy, I show a stubborn forbearance in the face of adversity: I try to deal with it until I cross the finish line and somehow be happy in the end. It’s a dumb way of thinking.

Unfortunately, these ideas are imprinted in my mind, ingrained in my logic. Often times, I follow them without question, not registering that I am miserable because I have chosen to suffer. And when I am able to endure until the end, what I get isn’t necessarily happiness.

I withstood nine years of Chinese school. Every Friday night I went in, sat sleepily while the teacher rambled on, and went home. The following Saturday was predominantly a day full of tedious homework. It wasn’t something I looked forward to after a week of regular school.

After I finished my final class, I had passed the gauntlet. But when I walked out of those classroom doors, the only thing I felt was relief—not satisfaction.

Instead, I was left with a sense of disappointment at how I spent my time. I could have done something more worthwhile, started a new hobby, or hung out with my friends.

I wondered why I didn’t quit earlier on.

The problem was that I had internalized a sense that quitting would bring disappointment from the world. I felt like I would let myself, my parents, my peers, my teachers, maybe even society down, and so I continued until I was done.

My obstinacy kept me going through it all, until I could somehow realize a nominal end.

At a certain point this year though, I exceeded my threshold: too many APs, too many activities.

Life is probably dysfunctional when you have to buy a planner to organize the gazillion things that need to be done, but after writing everything down, you can’t stand opening the planner to check anymore. The list can be monstrous.

I finally reached a point where what I thought was enough was, in reality, too much. It was just too much. At that point, forbearance became a worthless practice.

I sought help because I needed something to change. I was fortunate. My teachers and school were understanding enough about my situation, and helped me ameliorate it.

My workload was temporarily cut and my class list was reordered. Luckily, my teachers also curved the scores on the recent tests for their respective classes as a whole, boosting my grade. For the moment, I managed to reach an equilibrium.

I realized that my parents and my teachers wouldn’t be disappointed at me for letting up on things that were causing me suffering. They don’t want me to drown in misery, and I am glad for this fact.
The greatest obstacle was getting over my personal expectations to bear with the difficulty. After I was able to move past this feeling, I mitigated the burden of my situation.
I have often wondered how people can quit their jobs and face economic uncertainty, but now I understand a bit better from where they come. At a certain point, the way I pursue happiness might bring me more detriment than the happiness is worth. The price of that happiness becomes unjustified, and something will need to change. I need to find a new path.
“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds,” Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote in his essay “Self-Reliance.”
I agree, a “foolish consistency” is a stupid way to live. It’s okay to do something different than what you are doing so you can thrive.

More to Discover