One word. Four letters. A world of meaning behind it. For some, it’s embodied in their high school classmate, admired secretly from across the classroom. For others, it’s sought through online dating apps and direct messaging on social media platforms. And when conventional methods fail, some fall for the allure of reality dating shows: a spectacle of drama and competition that promises the elusive dream of finding true love. Except, there’s one small catch — this “true love” rarely lasts. 

Capturing the attention of viewers across the world, dating shows have risen in popularity due to the endless petty drama, emotional conversations and of course, countless swoon-worthy moments. The seemingly perfect relationships appear too good to be true and in most cases, they are. In fact, popular American dating shows like “Love Island” and “Too Hot to Handle” have yet to produce a couple lasting over one year, which is ironic considering these programs promise the discovery of true love. 

Contestants on many dating shows spend every moment of their day with their potential partner in an isolated, paradise-like environment, leading them to grow detached from the realities of the outside world. After transitioning from this secluded setting back to their daily lives, couples struggle to balance their newfound relationships with everyday responsibilities and challenges, leading seemingly strong relationships to crumble.

The return to reality also poses another question: can love endure the distance? Looking at the common trend among previous dating show couples, the answer — more often than not — is no. For American dating shows, staying together after the show proves particularly difficult given the highsheer living expeanses of living in the country. Couples often struggle with long distance and remain unwilling to move for one another for a plethora of reasons, ranging from wanting to stay close to their family to simply feeling that their partner is not worth the sacrifice. Again, couples’ unwillingness to accommodate one another testifies to the ineffectiveness of these dating programs, as they shelter contestants from real-world issues like long-distance dating. 

Challenges posed by long distance have a smaller impact on couples from Asian reality dating shows. In smaller countries like Korea or Japan, couples can still live close together even after the show ends. The closer proximity may explain why Asian dating shows have produced morecertain couples that are still together to this day, like Sera and Jeongjin from “Love Catcher 2” who met on the show in 2018 and now plan for marriage. Other notable couples include Hae Eun and Hyun Gyu from “Transit Love 2” and Heeji and Pyeongseok from “Nineteen to Twenty.” However, the fact that only a few couples out of the hundreds featured on Asian dating shows remain together underscores the weak relationships built through these programs.

The short duration of reality dating shows further heightens the fragility of the relationships,  preventing participants from genuinely learning about their love interests and instead only allowing for surface level conversations. Considering the superficiality of their relationships, it is no surprise that they fall apart in the real world. A prime example is popular Asian dating show “Single’s Inferno,” where contestants are afforded only eight days to deepen their bonds and forge meaningful connections. Across all three seasons, Single’s Inferno produced one couple that continued their relationship into 2024, and even their relationship status is not officially confirmed. 

Such an approach also forces contestants to choose their partners based on superficial details like physical attraction. American dating shows further emphasize the physical aspect of dating by encouraging female contestants to dress in either bikinis or body-con dresses throughout the show, and the wardrobe of male contestants is often confined to swim trunks and semi-formal attire. Producers also often ask contestants to share the same bed from the first day, prioritizing a physical connection over a deeper, emotional connection. 

Moreover, I believe most contestants are aware of the fragile relationships developed through most reality dating programs. They may desire publicity and fame and view reality dating shows as an easy avenue to stardom. On top of their aspiration for popularity, contestants may also be drawn by the cash prize offered at the end of certain dating shows. For example, “Love Island USA” offers a $100,000 prize to the winning couple, and “Too Hot To Handle” begins with a $200,000 prize pool split among contestants. In this way, contestants may focus on building relationships that appeal to viewers to obtain the lucrative cash prize. The superficiality of dating show couples should also discourage viewers from comparing their own relationships with those they see on reality television.

The consistent reinforcement of surface level attraction, coupled with certain contestants’ materialistic motives, contributes to the formation of fragile relationships. Producers of reality dating shows prioritize viewership over building genuine connections, leading them to focus on increasing drama and emotions. While some contestants find lifelong partners through these programs, the more common trend demonstrates that underneath the glamor and romance of these carefully crafted shows, a multitude of couples struggle to maintain their relationship in the face of real-world obstacles.