I remember being so excited to see my family and my little cousins. This Christmas was going to be one for the books. I was in Houston!I was ready for Torchees’s famous mexican food, and I was ready to be surrounded by light and positivity. However, as soon as I got there, my excitement turned to fear. Although it was four years ago, I vividly remember a conversation that my parents had with my aunt on the way home from the airport. She was explaining that he crime rate was really high in Houston. And, although her family was against it, many families owned guns and kept them in their homes; this was the norm. This conversation stayed with me. I couldn’t understand how people and criminals could be so dangerous that someone would need a gun to protect themselves. A GUN. I simply thought “If no one has a gun, then no one will ever need one.” Boy, was I naive back then. No one can really protect themselves from the brutality of weapons. And even if someone doesn’t have a gun, there are other weapons that can hurt men, women, and children.

Guns are powerful objects. They are triggered with a choice and can kill with an action. They have always been used for hunting or protection, but now I feel that firearms aren’t being used for either of those reasons. In the past few years, a sole man with a single gun, has taken to lives of innocent teachers and children at schools. Another sole man with single gun took the life of a beloved and aspiring musician who had a great talent. Black men were killed for the color of their skin and Men and women were killed and compromised because of their sexuality; they were punished for being themselves.

These are stories that I have been hearing on the new and reading about for years. It’s not right and these stories have manifested themselves into my life. I have dreams that a gunman comes onto campus and the lives of my friends are jeopardized. I also have dreams where my parents are in danger at work and there is nothing I can do about it. I also had a dream where a gun was pointed to my head at a train station.

I don’t know why this happens to me. I am a sixteen year old girl who has grown up in a safe neighborhood; being safe hasn’t always had to be my first priority. However, now, I am fearful, and safety is always on my mind. At train stations, I am always aware of my surroundings and I keep my distance from people and when I see people on campus whom I don’t know, weird scenarios flood my mind .

I am a junior in highschool and I am now looking into colleges because I will start applying in a few months. When choosing my college, I know I will consciously not attend a college that allows students to carry weapons.

UT Austin is a college that allows licensed carriers to carry concealed weapons. While some may be okay with this, I am not. I would would live in constant fear. What if I said the wrong thing to someone who was on edge. Or, what if someone was aggravated at me or anyone else and decided violence was the answer. Regardless of its rules, UT Austin is considered a safe school; however, my fear has grown to strong and my nightmares are too regular. I am too afraid to put myself in a position like that.

I worry for our society. I wish we could live in a world with more trust and protection rather than caution and fear.

This piece was originally published in the pages of The Winged Post on March 28, 2017.