“Let’s go eat lunch over there!” my friend, Kate*, said while pointing to the place my former best friends were sitting.

As usual, I blindly followed her until I clearly saw where we were going. At first, I thought she was pulling my leg. As if Kate would ever eat lunch with the people she used to call “creepy.” She even refused to come to my birthday party if I invited my old friends because her mom would not let her go near them.

I could not understand the sudden change in attitude Kate had towards my other friends I had grown close to in the past two years. In the beginning of this year, my whole friend group broke apart, and I thought that was a part of the transition into high school. Even though I missed my old friends, I subconsciously chose to follow Kate with whatever she did because I was afraid of being left out by Kate as well as my old friends. I stuck with my broken group as long as I could, but I finally became used to not hanging out with them as much as I did before and dove into my academic commitments instead.

Now that I am fine with my social situation or lack thereof, I cannot believe that Kate would just change her mind from completely ignoring our old friends to talking with them again at her whim. It took me a lot of time to stop speaking with those friends again. Yes, I could have gone and talked to my old friends, but there was too much tension between us, so I stopped trying.

As all of us reunited at lunch yesterday, I felt out of place and awkward. There were no jokes and no silly experiences to rehash because we never spent any time together this year. We kept discussing last year and the fun times we had, but I could only dwell on why my friend impulsively changed her mind.

How does a person go from being “creepy” to okay in just a few Fridays of walking to Tapex together? Maybe Kate became tired of hanging out with just our group of four friends everyday. Maybe she wanted more attention. Or maybe she missed our old friends just as much as I did.

Of course I am happy to be friends with those people again, but I am tired of dealing with Kate’s constantly-changing decisions. Throughout my freshman year, I am noticing that I am becoming independent of my friends now. As much as I love and cherish them, I do not want them to lead me into their battles.

I regret my decision of following Kate everywhere. Sure, she can be called “the leader” of our group, but that does not give her the right to control my actions. The next time my friend decides to spontaneously become angry at one of my close friends, I promise myself that I will not stop being friends with those people.

Everyday people unconsciously follow others and let them make our decisions, but believe me, you have a voice too, so use it.

*Fake name used.