As an esteemed overachiever who has managed to simultaneously finish not only three pints of vanilla ice cream, but two bottles of Hershey’s syrup and six agonizing seasons of “Gossip Girl,” I consider myself something of a romance expert. With a list of ex-lovers rivaling those on Taylor Swift’s hit single “Blank Space” (see enclosed image), I think it’s safe to say that I know a little something about relationships:

Amidst a flurry of teenage love and the painful sting of not receiving any Valentine grams in advisory, it can be difficult to shoulder the heartache that will descend upon Eagles flying solo next Saturday. If you can squeeze in this article between your 4 p.m. Ben and Jerry’s binge fest, and 5 p.m. companionless viewing of “Dear John,” be sure to check out these three easy ways to beat the Valentine’s Day blues.

Exploit See’s Candies Valentine’s Day specials.

If you’re not going to receive any romantic bestowals this Valentine’s Day, you sure as hell need to capitalize on the buy-ten-get-one-free deals at a See’s location near you.

Contrary to boys, who often come in generic package deals of video games, snapbacks and the inability to reply to text messages in a timely fashion, See’s Candies come in a diverse array of dark chocolate buttercreams, milky truffles and white chocolate brittle. Sure, boys might offer “real emotional connections” and “leave a deep, lasting impact on your Freudian psychological state,” but are they edible? Do they come in packs of 15? Moreover, are they sold at the satisfying price of $18.50? As William Shakespeare once said, “no.” Boys are expensive. Get chocolate instead.

Remind yourself how cool you are

Remember that science fair award you won in the third grade about a volcano? Yeah that one. That was rad, and by the transitive property, so are you.  (*Note – this recollection stems from public school memories. For those who attended Harker Lower School in third grade, the science project was probably more along the lines of “The Automatic Characterization of Donor Tissue for Corneal Transplantation Surgery,” no doubt a winning entry into the Intel Toddler Talent Search Competition). Let’s not forget your ability to catch grapes in your mouth with cardiac surgeon precision, your totally raw snowglobe selection or your mad Trivia Crack skills. Needless to say, you rock, bro.

Immerse yourself in the anti-romance side of Netflix

Nothing extinguishes the flames of love faster than “Insidious.” Exposing yourself to everything anti-romantic this Feb. 14 will inspire feelings of fear and anger rather than love and warmth, the perfect counterbalance to the babes, baes, bes and bs that surrounds you. Steer clear of suspiciously-put-together-yet-adorably-ditzy actresses like Katherine Heigl, who may fool you into thinking that being a bridesmaid 27 times will lead you to find a cute, dimpled stranger who accidentally falls in love with you while simultaneously writing a vicious exposé about your wedding endeavors. As most of us in high school know, teenage romances often stem from a well-timed Snapchat or a winky face emoticon, rather than an impromptu meeting in the back of a taxicab. Save yourself the trouble, and scroll past the chick flick section in your Netflix menu.