Loud: The power of extroverts in a world of digital isolation

It’s a great time to be an introvert. With books like Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking gaining popularity, introversion is becoming more valued as a personality trait, and with the rise of Tumblr, introversion has become trendy. Google “introvert rant” or “understanding introverts” and you get hundreds of thousands of results. There are 40 articles about introverts on BuzzFeed alone, and adages like “love thy introvert” and “have you hugged an introvert today?” float around freely.

One of the situations most commonly maligned by introverts is when an extrovert misinterprets a lack of obvious emotion for rudeness. The thing is, I’ve lived that situation, but from the extrovert’s point of view.

On freshman step-up-day in 8th grade, Harker middle schoolers and rising freshmen new to Harker mingled in the gym. In one corner, I saw a girl by herself on her phone and figured I’d say hello. “So,” I said, sliding up beside her. “Are you coming to Harker next year?” (Well, I never claimed I was good at icebreakers. Extroversion doesn’t guarantee social adeptness.)

“Obviously?” she said.

The conversation went downhill from there. After a few more sentences, I bowed out, blushing heavily.

Since, as an extrovert, I value human connections over all else, I nagged myself about the conversation for the rest of the evening. Had I offended her? Did I overstep my boundaries? Was I being rude? What if she didn’t want to talk to me because of what I was wearing! (It was mismatch day during spirit week, and I was dressed appropriately). A year later, I found out that she hadn’t been looking down on me. She was just heavily introverted (and very sweet) and hadn’t been prepared for my advances.

While the above situation was almost certainly unpleasant for her, the introvert, it was also unpleasant for me, the extrovert. Neither of us were being rude; we simply lacked enough information about each other to be able to understand what the other person needed. When I hear introverts saying that life in our society is hard for them, I don’t disagree. I just think that it’s not necessarily easy for an extrovert either.

Contrary to popular belief, parties and large social gatherings can be stressful for extroverts. The social interaction is energizing, sure, but after every conversation, there’s a little part of me that wonders, “Did that person think I’m weird? Will they not want to be friends with me?” This is teenage insecurity, but it stems from the fact that, as an extrovert, I get a lot (not all) of my energy from making connections with other people.

For an extrovert, the need for other people is like the need for sleep; I won’t die because of extended isolation, but I’ll be cranky and unbalanced if I’m alone for too long. (By alone, I mean completely cut off from society, not watching a movie by myself on a saturday night).

Our society may revolve around the social nature of humanity, but that doesn’t mean an extrovert’s life is easy. (Even if we only have 5 articles on BuzzFeed). Obviously, we’re not immune to being socially inept.

Especially in the last couple of years, the ever-increasing isolation that comes with smartphones makes it more and more difficult for extroverts to make the connections we need. The truth is: life is hard, whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. We’re just stressed for different reasons.

So, yes, go hug an introvert today. Then, go hug an extrovert. Chances are, they both need it.