Valentine’s Day is one of the few days of the year that you are socially mandated to buy your significant other a gift, preferably an expensive and/or romantic one. But thinking of a thoughtful present on your own takes time and effort, and so we of the Winged Post have provided a comprehensive list of what not to give on Valentine’s Day.

Terrible gift: Half-eaten chocolate. By giving your significant other a box of half-eaten candy, you are essentially saying “I’m a boring person who lacks self-control.” When giving gifts, there are two schools of thought you can subscribe to. You can a) impress your significant other with your sensitivity by giving a meaningful gift or b) shower your significant other in cash to make up for your lack of creativity. Chocolates, a cheap and cliched gift, fail in both categories.
Alternative: Literally any uneaten food item (cake pop, pizza, cheese stick, fruit bouquet, etc.) If it’s really that hard to suppress your appetite, buy two.

Terrible gift: Cut flowers. Cut flowers may seem pretty, spontaneous and romantic, but they telegraph the end of your relationship. At first everything will be rosy, but as the days wear on, your love will begin to wilt and shrivel away. Before you know it, the person you used to think was beautiful and romantic is little more than a withered up version of their former self, and you wonder why you ever bothered taking them off the doorstep in the first place.
Alternative: A potted rose, or a cactus if your significant other is low-maintenance and afraid of committing to the time and effort a rose requires. Like an intrepid plant with strong roots, your relationship can go the distance!

Terrible gift: Hug/Kiss Coupons. If you and your significant other can’t exchange affection without monetary compensation, there’s something wrong with your relationship that no Valentine’s Day gift can fix.
Alternative: Give your significant other a hug on a regular basis without being asked. Sometimes, it’s the little gestures that mean the most.

Terrible gift: Matching T-shirts. Nothing says, “I’m incredibly annoying and I want you to be incredibly annoying with me” like matching relationship-themed T-shirts. There are only two possible outcomes here: a) You and your significant other will rejoice in your mutual cheesiness and skip through local malls eliciting the eyerolls and groans of everyone in a 10-foot radius or b) Your significant other will balk at your clear lack of taste and dump you on the spot.
Alternative: A scarf for girls or a belt for guys. It’s pretty hard to go wrong with either of those, no matter how questionable your fashion sense is.

This piece was originally published in the pages of The Winged Post on Jan. 28.